Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I have tasted many bathrooms
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
