I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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