Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
