Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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