I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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