you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I understand Curling. That high.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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