I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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