Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
