I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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