My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
