I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
