i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Couch. On fire.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
