Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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