yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
