i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
