I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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