May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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