I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
