I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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