just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
