it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
