I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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