My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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