It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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