Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
