Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i think i have herpe
just one?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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