dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
