You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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