I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
