i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
