Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
