Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
