I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
