I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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