I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
