He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
