He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
ok first of all what the fuck
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
