Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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