So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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