I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
