So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
