now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
