I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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