idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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