were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
