We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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