I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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