I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
