i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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