I'm gonna have a badass scar
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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