first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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