so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
