I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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