last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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