and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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